The Afterlife of a Father
The last 3 years have been quite tumultuous. Five family members passed away all within a few months of each other. I was all involved in their funerals, disposing of their belongings and houses and finalizing their affairs. Since then, I have been unable to write as if in the grips of writer’s block. Every day was a whirlwind with no time to think or contemplate what I was dealing with or how I was handling it. With all that behind me, I am attempting to write again.
During that time period, the one thing that greatly impacted me was the death of my father. My book includes a chapter called “The Lesson of Shadow: How Not to Be.” (Chapter 18). In that chapter I describe my very difficult relationship I had with him throughout my life. Yet, I realized he was my greatest teacher, even with all the very painful experiences. I held tightly to all the anger he triggered in me for many years. The day he passed, in my mind’s eye, I perceived him as his true angelic self, no longer the personality he had chosen to reflect to the world in this lifetime. I marveled at the beauty and perceived hugeness of this white fluttering essence, as he seemed to float in the air around me. This being was full of unconditional love and forgiveness. In this angelic form, he said he loved me. Yet, not once in my current life, did he say he loved me, so this was a new emotion expressed from him to me. Emotional expression was difficult for him as he never learned to share his feelings. He kept everything inside. As I observed him in all his majestic angelic glory, and drank in all this new found love, all the anger, repetitive thoughts of frustration with him, and even hate, all melted away. I understood this reflection to be a mirror to me.
Even though I have been in a writing hiatus for the last 3 years, I never forgot about this profound experience of seeing my father as his true soul self. I knew one day I would write about it. The afterlife is so much more than we can perceive within our physical bodies unless we learn to open our hearts and minds to seeing beyond this physical reality. I know there is so much more beyond the veil of physicality. We just need to be open to looking and hearing from the other side. Within me, I know this to be true.